Saying Goodbye…

I found out yesterday that my grandpa he a week to 4 weeks left to live. He has fluid around his heart and his kidneys are failing him. Why am I blogging about it? Well, this is my journal and I have feelings to let out. ❤

To be so honest, I have very few good memories of my grandpa. After my grandma passed away when I was in elementary school, my grandpa has made – in my view – no attempt at keeping our family strong. He has been married several times since my grandma passed away and has had a life filled with sin and ill-service to God.

Ever since my mom called me, all I can think, pray and have anxiety about is my terrible fear that my grandpa has not accepted our Lord, Jesus Christ, as his Savior. I know there are a million different biblicial interpretations of Heaven and how you get there. To me, it has always seemed crystal clear. You spend your life a good, giving person willing to speak God’s word to all whom you encounter. You always put others before yourself; even your enemies. You love everyone as a reflection of God’s love for us. I think a ticket to an eteral life in the sweet Kingdom of God is not something earned and deserved five minutes before you die – when you become scared and you realize that judgement day is near. I am going to see my grandpa on Saturday and I plan to ask him if he has accepted Jesus as his Savior. I can only pray that he says yes and the rest is between him and God. In my view, it’s a prety big deal. You can’t just squeek out a sentence to a random pastor moments before you die and expect grace eternal life. Can you?

I love my grandpa dearly and I do not judge him for his poor choices the past 20+ years. The judging is not my job. The praying is my job. What I do regret is his lack of interest in his grandchildren, their accomplishments, milestones and his great-grandchildren. My son was born on my grandma’s birthday – January 31st – so I am sure Noah is a bit of a reminder of my grandma to him. He has missed so much sweet joy because he has MANY grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

My grandpa is ready to go. He was a great father and provider to my mom and her siblings. I am sad for my mom because I know her heart hurts. He is our last living grandparent. I hope I have the change, God willing, to say good-bye. I also need to hug my mom…tight.

Pray for me friends as I am rarely weak…I will need it.

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